Since When Did 30 Become the New 18 and Why is That Okay?

Emerging Adulthood.  That's the new name for an entire generation of humanity caught somewhere between the ages of 18 and 30 with no clue about what it means to be an Adult.  There are many interesting articles and books that note this phenomenon.  Much of the current scholarship (though not all) is consumed with dubbing this 'postponed adulthood' as unavoidable to modern life.  In fact, one such author encourages us to accept its permanency and learn to cope with it as a fixed cultural reality.  I, however, do not believe it is a phenomenon we need to accept.  Rather, I suspect that it must be reversed and will suggest at least one practice/habit which holds both the promise and power of change.

An example of this phenomenon is captured the following quote taken from a 2010 article in the NY Times Magazine:

"The 20s are a black box, and there is a lot of churning in there. One-third of people in their 20s move to a new residence every year. Forty percent move back home with their parents at least once. They go through an average of seven jobs in their 20s, more job changes than in any other stretch. Two-thirds spend at least some time living with a romantic partner without being married. And marriage occurs later than ever. The median age at first marriage in the early 1970s, when the baby boomers were young, was 21 for women and 23 for men; by 2009 it had climbed to 26 for women and 28 for men, five years in a little more than a generation." http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html?pagewanted=all

The author in the above article cites the work of Jeffery Arnett (a leading voice on this cultural phenomenon) when explaining what is taking place during these important years.  Arnett, who embraces this phenomenon as one that is here to stay, notes five characteristics of this transition:

1. Identity Exploration
2. Instability
3. Self Focus
4. Feeling in - between
5. Sense of Possibility

Stop.  Read them again.  Sounds like my middle school er.  Seriously.  Arnett notes the uniqueness of these five characteristics to this new phase of life.  But, if you are a parent of anyone ages 8 - 15 then you have already noticed all five of these taking place in the life of your child - sometimes all at once (those moments are called train wrecks).  Yes, what he describes as a unique profile to this age or season is in anything but unique.

So, here is where I differ with current and prevailing thought on the subject.  What is being described as a new reality to embrace, should be recognized as a failure to fully engage our young people in significant adult centered moments during their formative years.  While the current question being asked is 'how can this phenomenon be embraced and encouraged?'  The question we should be asking is, 'Why has this happened and what can be done to reverse the trend?'

WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED?
There are many reasons why this has happened which date back as far as the Industrial Revolution and the Enlightenment Period.  If I were to write a book on the subject (which I am neither inclined nor equipped to do), I would list the following 'cultural indicators' that help us identify the why behind the is:

1. A Culture of Age Segregation.
2. A Culture of Instant Gratification.
3. A Culture of Entitlement.
4. A Culture of Virtual Reality.
5. A Culture of Over Protective and Fear - Filled parents.

All five are important.  But in my mind these five form something like a funnel whereby those that follow build upon those that have gone before.  Thus in this model Age Segregation is the chief culprit - the core around which the others find their place and power.  If one esteems the value of 'age segregation' as we have in this country, then one needs to prepare themselves for the outcomes.  Age segregation is the doorway into the world of instant gratification, entitlement mentality, virtual reality and over protection. If we can effectively address this, then the others may actually self-correct.

A Culture of Age Segregation.  In nearly every phase of a young person's life,  his or her activities involve little or no significant interaction with adults in their community and their world.  The importance of this cannot be overstated.  If we believe the truth behind the cliche, 'more is caught than taught,' then much of what our young people learn (i.e. 'catch') is that which comes from their peers, not from adults.  Ouch.

What power might there be in a young person's life if they were exposed, in significant and intentional ways, to an adults world on a consistent basis?  Yet in every segment of society we put them in their own separate category and encourage their own separate experiences.  This is no more powerfully felt in today's world than it is in the church. 

At nearly every faith community in this country the only time the family is together is just before they leave their home (most drive two cars) to actually travel to the church gathering.  Upon arriving at church one finds many options to choose from that both encourage and expect this separation (I have heard of some churches that don't allow children to enter the room where adults gather).  Truth be told, most parents long for this - they want to find a church that has 'something for their kids.'  All the while we jump on board this fast moving train while never measuring the unintended consequences of where its track may take us.

So . . . .   WHAT CAN BE DONE?

Inter-generational Community Experiences
If we desire and long for our children to grow and mature into healthy adulthood at an earlier rather than later age (which, by the way has been the norm for centuries), then our young people should be invited into our experience.  They should be given intentional opportunities interact with adults during the more significant moments of adult life (this is, of course, not the only possible solution, but it is certainly one that should take centrality in the discussion).  One way we are attempting to do this at Pillar is by structuring our Sunday morning experience (as well as some of our small group experiences) in a way that encourages, expects and practices inter-generational involvement and interaction. 

As a parent and as a pastor I recognize that significant change occurs incrementally over long periods of time.  While I know that change and development can happen 'in an instant' through the power of the Holy Spirit, I recognize that He often moves through those steady and consistently practiced rhythms or habits.  Therefore, I long for my child to experience and practice these habits in the very same setting in which I practice them.  It is in these settings that he/she notices my own change and the power of habit over my own life.  It is in these settings where my inconsistencies are exposed and remedied.  In these settings my child will hear the same scriptures, songs and prayers, etc. that I hear.  My child will note how I respond to and apply each of these in my own life.  Over time, with consistent exposure to this 'adult' world, my child will intuitively understand (because of experience) what it means to be an adult and all that encompasses (identity formation, purpose, possibility, etc.). 

In other words he or she will catch it by virtue of such consistent and intentional experience and practice.

The Shape of Desire

Biz
Comments and Criticism welcome - More to come . . .