Parenting: An exercise in repetition with the hope of formation!

As a parent of three children who are either in or nearing their teenage years, I am constantly amazed at how often I have to repeat phrases over and over and over again in order to make them to do something that they have, for years, been expected to do.  No doubt many parents struggle with a similar issue.  Here is an example of some of the directives Melissa and I continually repeat, with which our children often struggle:

1. Clean your bedroom.
2. Brush your teeth.
3. Put the toilet seat down (my daughter screams this one all the time).
4. Wash your hands before coming to the dinner table (washing them hours earlier doesn't count toward your dining experience)
5. Put your book bags in your bedrooms.
6. Elbows off the table.
7. Do your homework before you do anything else.
8. Your shoes should be in the walkways only when your feet are actually in them
9. Feed the dog (and, as of Christmas morning, the bunny)
10. Clean the dishes before you leave the kitchen.
11. No, the floor of your closet is not considered a laundry hamper.

There are moments in the midst of the mind numbing and frustrating repetition of these basic directives when my anger spikes.  I become aggravated, uttering words such as 'when are you going to get it, this is not rocket science,' or some other up lifting word/phrase of encouragement we parents tend to say.  These moments are usually glorious times of family unity and harmony around which we rally and in which we thrive (note to the to the inattentive reader: that was sarcasm).

There are, however, other moments.  Moments when I remember that the formation of human life (even the type of formation which is basic) requires hard work, effort and a tremendous reliance upon perseverance.  In these moments,  I see the joy in the repetition.  I envision the fruit yet to come from the labor presently practiced.  Yes, in these moments, I remember that being fully human requires something more of me in a fallen and sin stained world.  It requires my participation in matters of life that matter. .. the development of the habits that lead to the practices of behavior that provide one (in this case the children whom I dearly love) with a path toward a future far more rewarding and hope-filled than the moment in which the struggle persists.  So we repeat ourselves again and again and again and again.  Eventually, we hope, they will accomplish the task apart from and independent of our repetitive refrain.

I find this struggle I experience in parenting to be true in all other areas of my life.  Particularly in the area of Spiritual Formation.  Spiritual formation takes resolve and repetition.  These two traits are increasingly difficult to attain in a culture saturated with instant gratification or a church driven by 'Burger King' theology - your way, right away... at  ___________ (insert favorite church, ministry, charlatan here) now.

In fact, most of us who attend church on a regular basis (that means more than twice a month, which has probably ruled out most of my readers) would be hard pressed to point to how such attendance as formed us into the image of Christ.  We would certainly point to thoroughly invigorating programs and exciting new principles.  Perhaps we could even talk about the delightful personality and integrity of the new pastor on staff (as if that is an exception to the rule).  We might even reflect on, with a glassy eyed wonderland nostalgia, a small group or Sunday school class that we loved. .. one that made a deep impression on us at one time in some way.  

Yes.  In these moments of 'glory days' reflection, we tend to fool ourselves into believing that we have advanced in our spiritual walk.  This is of course a self defense mechanism that prevents us form unearthing why we are still stuck and how might become unstuck.  Such rationale, while keeping us faithful in our church attendance, prevents us from assessing our deepest desires and attempting to slay them under the kingship of Christ.  Such thinking, in short, allows us to remain satisfied as beings who are relentlessly dissatisfied.

The reason our churches are long on programs and short on transformation is because we have long since departed from the work of rigorous and life changing spiritual formation.  Spiritual formation requires that the church participate in matters of life that matter.  Spiritual formation further requires that the church view worship as a community endeavor or practice rather than an individually fulfilling experience.  The former is the exclusive realm of the people of faith, the latter is a product of a 'consumer' culture that can be achieved through a variety of mechanisms and experiences.

Even as you read these thoughts, you are saying: but wait a minute - my church is a community.  Perhaps.  But are the practices (habits and disciplines) of your church communal?  An easy way to assess such is to consider your initial thoughts and reactions upon exiting church week in and week out.  Are your thoughts geared toward what you 'got out of the service' (i.e., how it made you feel)?  Or, are they thoughts which consider how your life has been shaped by the experience.  Do you consider the worship experience to be a practice of repeating the things that matter most in a participatory way which shapes your desires toward Christ and His Kingdom?  Truthfully most of us care far more about how we feel than how we have been shaped.  The reason for this is that the 'right feeling' can be achieved in a moment between just you and Jesus.  The right 'shaping' on the other hand occurs over time and participation as you repeatedly practice that which matters most.

Yes.  Church much like parenting should be a glorious exercise in the practices which shape our life toward God's good for His glory.  There is transformative power in such a church and those who faithfully participate will intuitively bring God's kingdom to bear on all of life!

How is the church shaping your desire?  It will do so (as do all things) in one of two ways: back toward you, or forward toward Him.

the shape of desire.

Biz